It's Official - Blue Peter SUCKS

I remember when I used to run home from school and watch Blue Peter. This was in the days of Richard Bacon; so nearly ten years ago. Before he used to snort coke (see other posts for responsible drug use). I used to love sitting down with a slice of toast and a cup o tea and tune into Katy and the gang present a smorgasbord of delights for me, a ten year old boy to REALLY enjoy.

My first proper goal in life at this point was to get a Blue Peter badge. I never did for the record. I was too lazy. I wanted it purely because it cut the wheat from the chafe - and with one I was a proper kid. LOOK AT ME GUYS I CAN GET INTO THE NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM FOR FREE HAHAHAHAHAH.

Oh yeah.

I initially wanted to be on Jim'll Fix It - but I didn't quite make the cut. Apparently asking for every Action Man figuring was "unreasonable" and I'd have to make do with just the grenade throwing James Bond version. I obviously declined. It was humiliating. I think I vaguely recall some girl being taken skydiving. And Action Men was unreasonable. Jeez. Lucky I turned out straight - or else I'd sue for damages.

Where am I going with this. Okay yeah. I think Blue Peter has lost its charm. Fledgling viewing figures and uh presenters that no-one really cares about. Is the Irish one still there? I remember her being okay. And I've actually met her. Get me, get me.

How about, the BBC commisions a kids' show where children vote to shoot paintballs directly into the faces of people they despise. First on my list would have been Jack and Jill, and the idiots at ITV who thought those evil bastards would be suitable for kids. I never slept a wink after watching an episode of that, and it still haunts me to this day. How about Dick and Dom directly after. Starting with Dick and ending in Dom. Take the Chuckle Brothers downt too - how they're still in a job is beyond me. Oh and Raven, bloody Raven. Whoever thought that up needs their head examining and should be put in a padded cell.

How about we start the revolution by getting Dave Benson Phillips and GET YOUR OWN BACK back on the box. That was a good laugh. I always dreamt of getting my Mum on there and exposing her as the evil genius she once was. But I'd feel guilty dunking the woman who gave birth to me into pus-esque gunge.

The BBC need to basically listen to me. Pay me £300,000 a year. Forget Ortis, forget Reggie, burn Fearne Cotton at the stake and give me a fucking job.