The Apprentice

Yes, the Apprentice Series Six is over, and wasn't it a cracker? Um. Well it was basically the same as every other one, but I am a fan of the show and it remains, despite its repetitive nature, hugely entertaining to watch. Other programs take note. Sir Alan/Lord Sugar is still as cringeworthy as usual with his bought peerage and pre-prepared jokes. Watching him speak is like watching a drunk dispraxic elderly lady recite Gareth Gates quotes.

Even though I remain always adamant that all of the candidates are fucking useless, Stella and Chris were probably deserved finalists. But were they really that great? Not really. Could I have done a better job? Probably yes. But of course I'd say that.

I actually could though.

The most irritatingly irritating thing about this show is the fundamental misconception that the successful potential Apprentices are all "brilliant". All of them bastardised the English language, all of them used even basic words out of context and some of them even struggled to use a mobile phone. How about instead of trawling all of East London asking what a 'single gold tikka' is, why don't you tap the word into Google? Even if doing that was banned didn't they realise that there might be a correlation with the word 'tikka' and India? Clearly common sense isn't a pre-requisite to apply for the show.

We had Melissa Cohen who genuinely thought that "karmically" and "retributed" were actual words. Now you can't really pick on just her for being an absolutely huge idiot - well you can, but in the same way you can't call someone with cerebral palsy 'a spastic'. The trend on this years Apprentice was to use as many big words as pysically possible and weren't they used horrifically.

Nick Hewer commented that Chris was the most articulate candidate they'd ever had. Well that's not fucking hard is it Nick?

It's a shame that the candidates are picked purely to make TV. If it was actually a show that was entirely based on skillful entrepreneurs who really were brilliant candidates then I think the show would be equally as entertaining. But I guess it will just continue to be riddled with morons. But then again, who else would want to work for Alan Sugar?

England Expects to Expect

So England are bundled out of yet another World Cup, which leaves every Englishman, like me, scratching their heads wondering 'What went wrong, again?' - well I'll tell you in a few secs. Don't worry, we will win a World Cup again, we WILL hold that beautiful golden cup aloft, but things need to change. Things cannot keep going on like they are, it just won't work. We're not the butt of the biggest joke in footballing conspiracy, we're just not good enough - and it's not even the fault of the footballers.

Put quite simply English football is the victim of itself. The Premier League is the best league in the world yet our national team fails to even compete adequately at international level whereas the Bundesliga and Germany are the complete opposite. Spat out by a young German team, England really weren't up to it. The Germans made our hardened internationals look like Sunday League amateurs, yet in August the likes of John Terry and Wayne Rooney will return to their club teams and forget the World Cup even happened.

The reality is, the Premier League's success is down to one thing; foreigners. We would be nothing without the likes of Didier Drogba, Carlos Tevez, Emmanuel Adebayor, Cesc Fabregas, Florent Malouda propping up our league. Where are the English managers? There's only two that come to mind that are vaguely worth their salt, and that's Harry Redknapp and Roy Hodgson. Foreigners are the main infrastructure of the Premier League and the dependence on foreign imports NEEDS to stop if we're going to see any progress in the national game. Arsenal are the main offenders providing a shocking FOUR PLAYERS to the national pool, and only one, Theo Walcott, was close to making it. Naturally their manager is also not English. How are we going to develop our own players or own staff for the national game when our international team players barely see regular football or regular coaching experience.

When was the last team a foreign manager won the World Cup?

Is there any motivation for the national team? Are they really interested in 'England' or national pride whatsoever? We invented the game, we perfected it, yet we so casually fail at it. A country of 50 million people, 25 million of whom are men and yet we can barely string a decent back four together or even a decent trustworthy goalkeeper. As the advert says, 'Do it for yourselves, the fans, do it for Bobby' - but are the England players interested in either of those concepts? As long as they get home to their £125,000 a week does the dreams and hopes of millions of England fans even affect their mentality to international football?

Probably not. And that's the reality. England 2018 - we might actually win that one.

Anyway, in the mean time everyone in England is back to being labelled as 'British' for the next two years - come on Andy Murray. NOT.