England Expects to Expect

So England are bundled out of yet another World Cup, which leaves every Englishman, like me, scratching their heads wondering 'What went wrong, again?' - well I'll tell you in a few secs. Don't worry, we will win a World Cup again, we WILL hold that beautiful golden cup aloft, but things need to change. Things cannot keep going on like they are, it just won't work. We're not the butt of the biggest joke in footballing conspiracy, we're just not good enough - and it's not even the fault of the footballers.

Put quite simply English football is the victim of itself. The Premier League is the best league in the world yet our national team fails to even compete adequately at international level whereas the Bundesliga and Germany are the complete opposite. Spat out by a young German team, England really weren't up to it. The Germans made our hardened internationals look like Sunday League amateurs, yet in August the likes of John Terry and Wayne Rooney will return to their club teams and forget the World Cup even happened.

The reality is, the Premier League's success is down to one thing; foreigners. We would be nothing without the likes of Didier Drogba, Carlos Tevez, Emmanuel Adebayor, Cesc Fabregas, Florent Malouda propping up our league. Where are the English managers? There's only two that come to mind that are vaguely worth their salt, and that's Harry Redknapp and Roy Hodgson. Foreigners are the main infrastructure of the Premier League and the dependence on foreign imports NEEDS to stop if we're going to see any progress in the national game. Arsenal are the main offenders providing a shocking FOUR PLAYERS to the national pool, and only one, Theo Walcott, was close to making it. Naturally their manager is also not English. How are we going to develop our own players or own staff for the national game when our international team players barely see regular football or regular coaching experience.

When was the last team a foreign manager won the World Cup?

Is there any motivation for the national team? Are they really interested in 'England' or national pride whatsoever? We invented the game, we perfected it, yet we so casually fail at it. A country of 50 million people, 25 million of whom are men and yet we can barely string a decent back four together or even a decent trustworthy goalkeeper. As the advert says, 'Do it for yourselves, the fans, do it for Bobby' - but are the England players interested in either of those concepts? As long as they get home to their £125,000 a week does the dreams and hopes of millions of England fans even affect their mentality to international football?

Probably not. And that's the reality. England 2018 - we might actually win that one.

Anyway, in the mean time everyone in England is back to being labelled as 'British' for the next two years - come on Andy Murray. NOT.

Tragedy into Publicity

Poor Gordon Brown's having yet another tough week after it has emerged he misspelt a dead soldier's name on a condolence letter sent to his grieving mother, Jacqui Janes whose son Jamie was killed in Afghanistan's Helmand Province in October. For one reason or another this story has ended up slap bang on the Editor of the Sun's desk and there are now various videos of Jacqui on the Sun website calling it disgusting and other, equally as emotive, superlatives.

So, bearing in mind the guy has ONE eye, and will probably be borderline blind in a matter of years, isn't it a bit of a low-blow to have a pop at his handwriting? Before the Sun got hold of this publicity coup didn't Mrs Janes at least think that her son would rather she didn't make a huge furore? I know I would. I'm not Gordon's biggest fan, nor am I remotely sticking up for the government, but I would say that it's a good idea to maintain a modicum of perspective in this matter - or at least a modicum of dignity. Having my mother weeping on Prime Time television is hardly what I would want.

Frankly, the fact that Jacqui Janes allowed the Sun to the entire phone conversation discussing her dead son with Gordon Brown is the most shameful aspect of this story, not simple misspellings. Then again, grief works in mysterious ways but does it lead the brain to make a quick phonecall to the Sun switchboard?

Gordon done wrong. He knows it. He knows that that letter should have been proofread and spellchecked a thousand times by his team of PA's and advisors before it had been sent out, but maybe his intern was protesting at the lack of pay he was getting and refused to do his job properly?

A Genuinely Farsical Week in British Politics

There are times when you just stand there and watch things go by with such amazement because you really cannnot fathom how unbelievably stupid some people are. This week was one of those weeks. My housemates literally had to ask me to leave the room as I screamed obscenities at the television screen. Not at Mr Griffin, I might add, but at Jack Straw, the crowd who submitted the questions and ultimately the BBC for allowing what should have been a pedestrian broadcasting of Question Time to turn into a witch hunt towards one single person on the panel.

No I did not have a problem with Nick Griffin becoming a member on the panel, nor did I (naively) particularly think that there would be THAT much of a fuss about it. I thought people would have been sensible to let it pass as a mere blip on the BBC ratings scale, and then we'd return to Croydon or Northampton - or whevever it is next week without so much of a whisper of the three letters 'BNP'. But no. This did not happen.

Nick Griffin isn't stupid. He didn't walk into a total bear-trap in which he was caught completely off guard. He knew what was going to happen. He knew if he could find one aspect in the broadcasting that was even vaguely biased he could exploit it EVEN further to keep his name and his party's name in the media and political agenda and the BBC which appears, at the moment to be run by GAP year interns, laid it out on a platter for him.

Look at the media storm now. It's still continuing as Griffin accuses the BBC, in his own words, of changing the format of the show therefore keeping his smarmy wonky-eyed face on the first few pages of every newspaper. This is something they are definitely guilty of and should have predicted this would happen. And as the storm continues, Nick Griffin's going to ride it all of the way.

Was it the BBC's fault for allowing him on the show? Of course not Peter Hain! - be quiet. The man is an elected Member of the European Parliament. The man has a mandate from the people to make decisions in the European Parliament on behalf of them. To not allow him on the show would be not only undemocratic, but would contravene everything the BBC stands for.

Griffin knew there would be tension on his arrival at the BBC studios, and boy was he right. He loved every second, and every single one of those white-middle class students as well as the Unite Against Fascism can hold themselves responsible for that. Well done for protesting against something you don't really understand. Ironically there were more cameras than protesters. Try and save the world a little better next week, or at least read up a little first.

Sky high viewing figures will indicate why I'm so unbelievably frustrated with the media's knee-jerk reaction to Griffin's ordination to the well-esteemed Question Time panel which seems to be full of the same faces every week. Why did Griffin's appearance even need that much attention. To get people who aren't even remotely interested in politics to watch a politics show with such animosity takes a PR stunt of epic proportions which, in this case, was handled by a few select members of the British government. Well done.

So lets analyse the results of Nick Griffin's appearance on Question Time. A YouGov poll suggests that 22% of people questioned would 'seriously consider' voting BNP in the General Election. Quite a high number which, I would suggest, wouldn't actually be the case if an election come along tomorrow but it's definitely a large proverbial kick up the arse to New Labour's immigration policy.

Peter Hain says that "The BBC has handed the BNP the gift of the century on a plate and now we see the consequences.", and he is very very wrong in this assertion.


To the Gordon Browns and Alan Johnsons of this world: This is YOUR mess.

Michael Wackson's Send Off

Wasnt this so delightfully tacky and obscene? A celebrity-infested cess-pool of mourning and OTT speeches dedicated to a man who, whilst being the King of Pop, juggled his spare time sleeping in the same beds as pre-teens and dangling his children out of windows.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sad the guy died. Anyone going in their fifties is tragic to say the least. But was he, in the words of his daughter Paris, "the best father ever" - well, I would hasten a bet at no. Sure, this is primarily coming from assumption, but as far as I'm concerned Michael Jackson is about as responsible with his children as Britney Spears is.

Is sleeping in the same beds as chilren un-related to you the work of a responsible adult, irrespective of whether anything actually happens? An extension of baby-sitting maybe? Is paying off the families of said children also a responsible thing to do? No. If you pay to end a court case, it wreaks of culpability, and I would have to say this was probably the case. Reverend Blah says that there was nothing wrong with Michael Jackson, REALLY, REALLY? Yes Jackson was a product of his upbringing, certainly, but that is no excuse whatsoever. Much like it was no defense for the thousands on paedophilia charges. Is spending time with children un-related to you, 'normal'? Oh yeah, yeah totally is - bear with my whilst I finish playing footsie with James my five year old next door neighbour whilst his younger sister Jessica massages my back.

Ridiculous.

Gordon Brown in Pretending to be English non-shocker.

Okay so I just saw Gordon Brown launching the England 2018 Football World Cup and bearing in mind how he's SCOTTISH, the amount of times he referred to England as 'his country' was laughable. It's not you're country fat-boy, you're from Scotland. If England had it's way you wouldn't even be Prime Minister. Stop using your dodgy rhetoric to try and promote British unity around England's World Cup bid, when in reality the other Home Nations will be gagging for England to lose. I know you're paranoid that this World Cup bid will force a rise in English nationalism but 2018 is England's year not Britain's, so go away.

Alex Salmond Claims Full Amount for Food Expenses

Yep, the modern day William Wallace claimed a total of £1,751.50 on food expenses. Presumably taking the English for all they're worth.


Mind you, looking at this photo and the bursting shirt, the £1,751.50 does make sense...

Expenses Proving Very Expensive...

Okay. So...here's the deal. MP's have been claiming on expenses for ridiculous things. We got Aga's, Lawnmowers, Dog Food - and even porn. But you know the one that really got me. David bloody Willets - this very capable man spent £100 hiring, yes you read it right, hiring workmen to change his f---ing LIGHTBULBS. Dave, I could change lightbulbs when I was six. In what sense EVER would a man need to hire people to change his lightbulbs. I bet your wife is REALLY proud.

Was it the buying or the screwing that proved the most testing Dave? Or are you really a five year old child in disguise. Were you scared that you'd get an electric shock? Tell me please how a member of parliament can shadow a government deparment, yet has to actually hire people to change his lightbulbs. Presumably your daughter or son could have changed the lightbulbs whilst you were dilly dallying in Westminster. Or were they away at Eton. On expenses presumably?